An Open Letter to Feminists

Dear Feminists,

I’ve been with you ever since I knew what the word feminism means. I wasn’t always a vocal supporter, but I have always believed that women should have the same rights and opportunities as men.

But I’m beginning to question the quality of my company.

I’m with you in the fight for equal pay and the fight to break glass ceilings, including Hillary Clinton’s “highest, hardest” glass ceiling. I’m with you in a woman’s right to choose and I support her right to affordable birth control for whatever reason she wants it. I’m with you in fighting the War on Women in all its forms both blatant and sneaky. I’m with you in the fight against rapists and rape defenders. I’m with you in condemning the shaming of women over appearance. I’m with you in the use of politically correct language down to every last him or her. I love the intellectual muscle you bring to the day’s issues and I’m thankful for your cultural critique, so often insightful and sorely needed. I’m with you when your message is equality for all, and I’m with you in the fight against bona fide assholes on Twitter.

I’m with you in all that and more.

But you lose me when you dedicate your energies to inflating minutiae in popular culture and personal behavior into the worst misogyny. You lose me when everything is about rape or rape culture--even incidents that don’t involve rape committed or threatened in any way. You lose me when you lump every critic in with the worst critics. You lose me the more exclusive you become: you attack women whose lifestyles and appearance reflect stereotypes and norms you decry, you chastise any who refuse to wear your label, you intelligence-shame your critics and you lay down misandry with abandon. You lose me when you deny you do these things. And finally, you lose me when you abuse reason in pushing dogma.

Recently, when the Women Against Feminism campaign started on Tumblr, you reacted the way you usually do, with snark and combativeness, but you only have yourselves to blame, for your snark and combativeness win no converts, only enemies. The dominant strain of feminism on the internet is hyperfeminism. It’s like a religion or political party, forever preaching to the choir or solidifying its base while alienating regular folk and critical thinkers, many of whom would otherwise be your allies.

Sure, some of the women using the hashtag #WomenAgainstFeminism lack your education and fancy vocabulary, but many of them also show a keen understanding of what feminism has become in reality. Still ostensibly about equal rights and opportunities, we turn on our computers each day to outrage over trifles, negative stereotypes of men, and constant belittling and demonizing of anyone who disagrees. Many of the messages displayed by Women Against Feminism encourage a message of love, understanding and respect for all people. You could learn from that, and you could learn from their perception that your brand of feminism isn’t welcoming, positive or empowering.

I will always believe in equal rights and opportunities for women and men, but I’ve begun to feel like the rancor and knee-jerk analysis that dominates feminism online, often perpetrated by individuals of great intellectual and artistic potential, shrinks me as a person and a thinker the more I focus on it. Perhaps I should look away to explore the broader movement, its history, its dissidents, and its leading lights. Why is Simone de Beauvoir’s The Second Sex sitting unread on my shelves? Why did I buy but never finish Camille Paglia’s Vamps & Tramps?

Now is as good a time as any to seek healthier fare.

When I post this to my Twitter account, I’ll use the hashtag #FeministsAgainstFeminism, because that is one way to describe what I and many others are. I support the movement and real methods for addressing the problems feminism identifies, but I am disappointed by the behavior of the rank and file online.

Respectfully,

A Feminist